He comes across as a fighter, a protector. He is quite vocal and proud of
his physical strength, of all those younger, quicker, and fitter chaps that
he's whooped in the ring. He insists that anyone who wants to hurt his
children will have to get through him first. When his children needed
support in the way of dollars or fists, he was always the first in line.
When his daughters were young, he would go to the homes of the boys that
picked on them and "talk" to their fathers. The boys stopped their
harassment. Matter of fact, they stopped talking to the young girls
altogether. After his divorce, he was never late or short with the child
support payments, an accomplishment that he felt earned him the title "Good
Father".

( Read more... )

So, I officially have a boyfriend.

We didn't intend for things to move as quickly as they did. We tried, in the beginning, to take things slowly. I continued to pursue interests in other people, but found myself completely un-interested in being physically intimate with anyone else. I even denied a kiss from a very cute, very smart, very funny, very nice, very sexy guy after he spent an evening at my house with me talking, hanging out, and drinking wine. And I LOVE kissin', dudes. I didn't deny the kiss because I thought it would hurt or upset Ty, but because I just didn't feel like kissing anyone other than Ty.

So, a little over a week ago, when Ty turned to me and said "This is going to sound ridiculous, but I really want to ask you this. Will you be my girlfriend?", I didn't hesitate to say "Yes!!!".

It's been about a month since our first "date", and we've been seeing more and more of each other, and we keep finding more things in common, as far as our values, or views (religious, political, etc.), and our interests. I am constantly floored by how comfortable we feel together, and by how well we fit in with each others friends, and by how crazy about each other we are.

Last night, he was asking me if I remembered what I thought about him when we first met, about two years ago. I told him that at the time I met him, I was just beginning to explore the concept of having an open marriage, and I was crazy-crushing on Lance (who I actually met Ty through). I thought that Ty was a really nice guy, that he was cute, and funny, and had a lot in common with me. I also thought that crushing on two of Ryan's co-workers simultaneously would be a Very Bad Thing, and knew that Ty had a girlfriend, so I didn't really consider anything beyond friendship at that point. He mentioned that while yes, he did have a girlfriend, they were also in an open relationship. I think it's a good thing I didn't know that at the time. :x

( Read more... )

This morning, for the first time in weeks (months?) I woke up, and I did not burst into tears. I also didn't burst into tears in the shower, or on the way to work, and I haven't had to excuse my self to the restroom to go cry.

It's rather lovely!

I'm very much looking forward to my weekend. I have lots of fun with friends and family planned, and tonight, there's a chance* I'll run into a cute boy who finds me interesting (the feeling is mutual).


Is this what moving on feels like?


*Since he told me where he'd be tonight, heh.

And no, this isn't a sexual post, pervs. That's coming later. :x

I keep a private entry with a running list of topics I intend to post on. A while back, I wanted to write a post on how challenging I find it, at times, to develop and maintain friendships with women in "real life". I have met so many cool women on LJ and elsewhere on the internets, and I've always wondered why women like that don't pop up in my daily, local, life. I've always found it easier to relate to men. Among the people that I consider my "best" friends, only two are female, and one of those is my sister.

I think a big element has been that I don't seem to have a lot in common with the women around here. I don't care to discuss things like celebrity gossip (or any gossip, for that matter), make up, jewelry, TV shows, what brand of jeans is the best, or how fat I feel because my tummy is hanging slightly over my size 0's. (No, I don't wear a size zero. And I don't think I'm fat. Fancy that!)

I often feel a hostile vibe from women, like they assume me to be an enemy until I prove myself a friend, instead of the other way around. I tend to try to give people the benefit of the doubt until or unless they give me any reason to question their motives. (Although part of me wonders if I haven't been projecting a subconscious hostility of my own.)

Anyway. The point of *this* entry was not to get into all that, but to share how being in an all-female band has changed my view of women in my life, in a positive way.

( Read more... )

I think I'm finally learning how to have girl friends, and it is adding A LOT to my life that I've never experienced before. I love girls!! :D

Just a quick post to mention that I am overwhelmed by all the ways being in a band is (positively) affecting my life. I intend to go into detail in the near future, but am feeling particularly thankful to myself for creating and sticking with this opportunity. This new chapter in my life is an exciting one.

Heh, the chorus to this song (which Ginger Presley is covering, btw) says it well:

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride.
Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh no.
I've got to keep on movin'.

I hope you're all having lovely weekends. :)

Dear Self,

You'll make mistakes. You'll say and do things without thinking them through. You will offend people. Your values will sometimes make others uncomfortable. They have not walked in your shoes. Have respect for the values and lifestyles of others. Don't talk shit.

The most important lesson? If you make a mistake, learn from it. Don't wallow in it, don't fret over how to make it right, don't beat yourself up over it. Learn from it. Grow from it. Move on. Don't cry over spilled milk. Just remember to hold the carton a little more carefully next time, and be glad that the glass didn't shatter.

You're doing just fine in this thing called life. Everyone slips up. Be thankful for your awareness of the areas in which you can grow.

I love you.

Love,

Joella

I have procrastinated doing a re-cap of 2006 to the point where I think I'm not going to do it. :x

( Read more... )

I think the cool thing about the New Year, is that anyone who wants a fresh start gets one. It's like hitting the re-start button, or something, everyone gets a chance at a new beginning. Being surrounded by the energy of so many people, all relishing in that fresh start and that hope and optimism, is a powerful thing.

Happy 2007, y'all.


Happy Fresh Start.

Now with 90% less emotional aftermath!

Well, in case you've been under a rock and managed to miss it, I traveled to Lawrence, Kansas to spend this past weekend with adudeabides. (This was my second trip to visit him; he has made one trip to visit me.)

For the curious (or nosey), entries related to my previous trip can be found Here, Here, and Here.

This time around, I was much less nervous with all the flight/airport/what if we don't have anything to talk about? omgomgomg stuff. I was very much looking forward to the weekend; he and I have both been so busy over the past few months that we hadn't been keeping in touch as regularly as in the past. I immediately felt at ease when I saw him walking toward me in the airport. He was so overwhelmed by my gloriousness that he missed his exit on the way home. Or maybe it was because he was playing with his phone? Same diff. :p

( Read more... )

I'm going to spam you with posts for the next couple of days to make up for my absence later this week. You've been warned. :p

I will apply liberal use of LJ Cuts.

This was a pretty fantastic weekend.

( Read more... )

Happy Monday, y'all, I hope your weekends were all as fantabulous as mine! :)

To summarize my (long) previous post, my long holiday weekend was complete with time with family, time with friends, lots of good food, plenty of "me" time (including lots of meditation, drumming, guitar playing, and reading), and a little pinch of progress and growth both personally and in my marriage.

I had a lot to be thankful for. :-)

Wow, for a five day weekend, that went by fast!!

I was sure I was going to make some headway on the list of entries to write, but alas, it was not to be. I was so busy with family, friends, and food (WAY too much food) that I didn't have much time for interneting.

Let's see...Wednesday morning began a 5 morning-streak of sleeping WAY too late. I slept until at least 10:00 am each day, which is completely unlike me, but it was much needed and appreciated sleep! Wednesday evening, I went with touretticmonkey (Ed) to a Vegan Thanksgiving dinner at his Grandparents' house. I was a little nervous to meet his Grandparents and his mom, (especially since they knew of me as "the married chick that Ed met online and dated briefly before deciding to be 'just' friends") but there was really nothing to be nervous about. His Grandma and Grandpa are absolutely delightful, and while I think it took his mom a little bit to warm up to me, I think we hit it off just fine. And the food was incredible. After dinner and tea we all sat around in the living room just talking and sharing stories and such. It was very nice!

( Read more... )

For the record, This still holds true. :-)

As you may have guessed, I've had a delightful weekend. That compounded with some of the reading and introspecting (word?) that I've been up to lately has me seeing the world in a new and beautiful way. And it's not a rose-colored glasses kind of thing, either, because I still see all the pain and hate and ugliness in the world, but I accept it as part of the beauty. Part of the whole picture. There is balance. Balance is good. Balance is beauty.

( This Quote, )

which I came across in mnarra's journal while perusing my friends list this morning gave me even more food for thought. I think it's a valuable, universal lesson. Your thoughts?


I've been making lots of progress on my endeavors for personal growth, particularly as they relate to social anxieties and discomfort. I was "on my own", socially speaking, for the majority of the weekend, and you know what? I survived. Not only did I survive, but I had a great time, and saw lots of great people who I don't often see. I almost talked my self into staying home Saturday night, but I'm glad I forced myself out of the house, because I would have missed out on an awesome evening.

( Some details on my weekend )

I love everything and everyone right now.

If you are a person or thing that exists in this world right now, at this moment, rest assured that you are loved. Because I love you. And you are amazing. I love everything about you. And I love everything about ME. Aren't we wonderful?

Ryan and I were discussing how sometimes, when I'm trying to explain to him how I'm feeling, I don't want him to jump in and try to FIX it. I just want him to be there, to support and comfort me, and not to feel like I'm giving him a problem for which he needs to find a solution. He responded by saying that his natural instinct is to try and help fix things that are wrong. He said:

"For example, if the band is on the road and the van blows a tire, I'm not just going to sit there and watch, I'm going to try and help fix the tire. When YOU 'blow a tire', I want to help you fix it."

Going with his analogy, I responded:

"Sometimes, it feels like you're trying to fix my tire by stabbing at it with a fork."



*lightbulb*


He said:

"See, I didn't even know I was using the wrong tools."


I guess we need to update the toolbox.

Through the course of several different discussions with several different people, and what amounts to several hours of personal contemplation, I've realized some things. Some things about myself, some things about my current relationships, and about any potential future relationships. (I use the word "relationship" to encompass anything from a close platonic friendship to a romantic sexual relationship.)

( Read more... )

The past few weeks has brought both a lot of introspection, as well as a lot of discussion, about my marriage and other relationships. It's starting to fall into place, how an open marriage will work for us, (Ryan and I) as a couple, as well as how it will work for us as individuals. In this post, I'll address some of the conclusions we've come to as a couple, and in another post, I'll address some realizations I've had about myself.

( Read more... )

My goodness, I'm post-y today.

I came across this in daily_gems and it made me feel tingly. (No, not down there, sickos.)



CHOOSE A DIRECTION

There is energy available to you in every situation, every encounter and every moment. And you can direct that energy in whatever way you choose.

That's how it is possible, and can even be quite likely, for a tragic situation to give rise to a beneficial opportunity. Once the energy is flowing, it can be directed toward any purpose.

Though it certainly takes effort and commitment, illness, for example, can provide the springboard to improved health. Injustice can similarly be transformed into caring and compassion.

A highly adversarial relationship can be changed into one filled with love and respect. The most bitter of enemies can become the greatest of friends.

The energy is always there. What you do with it and the way you direct that energy can make all the difference in the world.

No negative outcome is a foregone conclusion as long as you have the will to redirect the energy of life toward positive purpose. What energy can you redirect on this very day?

~Ralph Marston~

Also, if you ever need some comic relief, check out what the kiddies in sextips ask about. This post in particular is giving me the gigglies. Seriously, how did I come to know about such things when I was beginning to explore my sexuality, without the aid of LJ Communities?

Fortunately, my personal life is relatively drama-free and stress-free at the moment. :)

I've just had another great weekend. (What is that, four in a row now? New record, I think!)

( Cut for endless rambling... )

I wish I didn't get so nervous and anxious to meet new people! Argh!!

I will NOT call and cancel.

I will NOT call and cancel.

I WILL NOT CALL AND CANCEL!


*deep breaths*


I will say that writing These Affirmations has already calmed my nerves a fair amount. I need to go repeat them about a million times, and get the butterflies in my tummy to stop flapping their wings long enough for me to get some food in my belly without feeling like I'm going to hurl.

(Pep Talks Welcome!)

Yesterday afternoon, I had to go to the DMV to renew my drivers license. I've never understood people complaining like they do about the DMV, because every time I've had to go there, it's been a relatively quick "in and out" type situation. That is, every time until yesterday. When I got there, the parking lot was, like, FULL. I've never seen more than 10-15 cars there before! I was looking around for the new NOT-DMV building that I was sure must have been built that shared a parking lot with the DMV. It didn't exist.

So I walk in the door, and there was a sea of people. *mini anxiety attack* There was a line just to get a number from the machine thing-o that you push a button on to indicate what you're there for. I immediately regretted not having brought a book or something with, but this was the time I had set aside to do this, so there I was.
( Read more... )